Son of Hamas

I downloaded the ebook, "Son of Hamas" by Mosab Hassan Yousef and it is an eye opening testimony to God's truth and mercy and prophecy regarding Israel and Palestine. Born in Israel occupancy, Mosab grew up as a devout Muslim whose father was involved with Hamas. Hamas is an Islamic organization that fights for palestinian freedom from Israeli occupancy. They are religious zealots that view the land as belonging to Allah and that it is their duty to vanquish the Israelis according to the Qur'an. Initially when I saw this story on youtube, many muslims were offended and said muslims were not like that. I was intrigued and had to look further into it and sure enough, in his book, Mosab describes his father has being a loving, compassionate man, incapable of committing terrorist acts:

"Once," he answered, "I left the house and there was an insect outside. I thought twice about whether to kill it or not. And I could it." That indirect answer was his his way of saying that he could never personally participate in that kind of wanton killing. But the Israeli civilians were not insects. No, my father did not build the bombs, strap them onto the bombers, or select the targets. But years later I would think of my father's answer when I encountered a Christian Bible that describes a young innocent named Stephen. It said, "Saul was there, giving approval to his death" (Acts 8:1) I loved my father so deeply, and I admired so much about who he was and what he stood for. But for a man who could not bring himself to harm an insecct, he had obviously found a way to rationalize the idea that it was fine for somebody else to explode people into scraps of meat, as long as he didn't personally bloody his hands. (Hassan pp. 133-134)

This really put things in perspective for me. Sure there are peaceful muslims who give and are kind. And there are Jews of the like and Christians. What makes one "true" ? Can we rely on evidence? Yes The Lord says we should love him with all our heart, soul and mind (Matt 22:37) and although we cannot transmit faith, we can see evidence and Mosab presents it well.

I urge anyone curious about what Islam is and what the state of Israel and Palestine is and read his book. For more info go to sonofhamas.com

If you think living in a nursing home is hell, listen to his story! you will thank God for his mercy! Pray for Mosab's continual growth in the faith and mental healing from all of that mess. I know I will once I break free from here.

If you don't know Jesus, I'm praying for you. It's not easy finding Jesus. Often times, we're so busy being prideful, doing our own thing that He needs to break us to get our attention and then we need to depend on Him to get us through. It is those times we grow close to the Lord.

"I'm slowly learning how to let go of the fact that I'm not in control and it gives me a lot of freedom. I don't get too bent out of shape when people are vehement unbelievers. I will present a video presentation or interview and they will say "where are the facts!?" after Jesus has declared himself God, fulfilled prophecies, done miracles and rose from the dead. 9 times out of 10 the person knows nothing of the Bible and is not even worth responding. It doesn't shake my faith because bottom line is the only person who can break through to some people is Jesus himself. I grew up Christian and He literally had to break me to get through to me! But I rather be walking in paradise than burning for eternity later. I rather be in a chair now, living for Gods glory." (Alamo, March '10)

I played guitar!

Nothin fancy, but it felt good to pluck strings again. I had the music therapist put one of those dunlop thumb pics on me and she gave me her acoustic. It's hard to keep the pic straight and sturdy for a solid sound but it's a start! I can even press the high E and B strings with my middle finger! I didn't give much reaction as to not get any hopes up but I gave input as to how I wanted to proceed from there. "Maybe you'll get more return..." she said. I had to stop her right there. "Listen, I'm here to play music and feel good. That's it. I don't like when people add in hopes of me gaining this or that. That, does not feel good. I also don't like you playing therapist with me."

Lately she had been rubbing me raw, trying to get into a psychologist role, asking about my feelings every time she screwed up on the recording process. I would just stop and need to take a breather, but she would nudge me to "let it out."

So hopefully she got the message and I can move forward and even play with her out of the room. Wow I've really grown to dislike her!

I played guitar! I won't call myself a guitarist again but I can dabble at least. We'll see where it goes.

Sopa de gran pena

I had a busy day, starting with training which went well except for my accessaride transport. My CNA also somehow convinced me to over dress because it was "bitah cohl" and I took a coat that was hard to push the chair in. It may seem minor but those details really can screw with my day. By the time I got back, I was ready for a good dose of neurontin and percocet.

I got a nice visit from an old friend later and she got me buzzed up on coffee! It was great catching up and it's just begun!

Now the strange part of my day happened afterward when I ran into another resident from the floor. He is from El Salvador and doesn't speak much English so mostly we converse in spanish (mine is limited to present tense) He introduced me to a friend of his, a younger Mexican kid, named Angel, and they were obviously bored. He wanted to show me a band on youtube but beth abe has a block on youtube so I offered to have him use my laptop. Pedro shared a chef salad that Angel fed me but I felt uncomfortable with it. I told him to eat it. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I liked him. I told him no and no, I was not interested any relationship right now. He asked if I wanted to kiss and I said no. He asked, why not? It's nice, and proceeded to dedicate a cheesy bachata love song to me. Then I just had to say plainly that he just met me, he's been drinking, and already he wants to kiss me and God knows what else and that's not what I want in a person. "Just one kiss?" I had enough. "Get out of my room and go cry in Pedro's room." He really did look heart broken! But I didn't care. His eyes weren't right and this was by no means a relationship!

I thought that was the end of it. My CNA got me in bed and about an hour later Pedro and Angel came back, bearing yellow roses. "No quiero un novio!" I said again. "He knows, pedro says. This is for friendship!" I figured he felt bad and wanted to do right. "Please, put them in water." "The nurse may have a vase," I said. He left to get a vase and Angel came and said he would visit every day...? He sat on my bed and told me he loved me and kissed my hand! This was a nightmare! Luckily, the nurse then came and I told her I did not want him near me, that he was drunk and harassing me. She was livid and quickly called the supervisor. Angel understood when Pedro told him to leave. They are banning him from the premises. My father has yet to hear but when he does, he will be very upset and protective.

Luckily, I'm not a waif and got settled in to watch Grey's anatomy and Private practice. I've also been enjoying reading with my new Barnes and Noble nook eReader. I just need something to read in bed. When I get out of here, I can invest in the ipad, but for now, this beats holding books in bed and I'm out of space!

Vitaglide update

Got word that admin are having another meeting regarding the funding of the vitaglide on the 26th. I spoke to a gentleman from another facility with a vitaglide and he had a mediocre review of it but I value the accessibility of it for quads and it will generate attention for beth abe. I have more time to gather signatures for the petition.

Now we're moving!

I'm not sure if I mentioned, I made a proposal to NYCSCIA about funding the Vitaglide Pro for Beth Abraham. I started training at Asphalt Green, and I thought, man, there should be accessible equipment like the vitaglide at facilities like this. Then I thought, why not at Beth Abe? There are quads that really need it and do not have access to training like I have.

Even more, there are more and more younger people being funneled into Beth Abe long term and are cut off from therapy quickly. Our fees never change and we do not even get maintenance therapy. So the board thought favorably and chose a 50/50 funding strategy, where Beth abe pays for half (very fair!) I then met with head of PT and gave her the low down. Her main issue was money and if there was space. I made sure to add the dimensions to the proposal and said Beth Abe paying for at least half was very fair considering the money we bring in. Then she said something that really surprised me: "shouldn't this be in an independent gym?" "But most of the disabled are here" I answered. It just seemed like she wanted any way to wiggle out of the idea.

Look at this guy! that's what I'm talking about! I want to see the quads in here getting a good work out like every body else!

I put her in contact with George, president of the NYSCIA and she said thought the chapter would be paying! George put it on flip mode and said quite the contrary! So now, admin is meeting tomorrow to discuss funding for the vitaglide to give their decision. I drew up a petition but it's been hard chasing people down and explaining the vitaglide. I presented it at the SCI support group meeting but only 4 people showed. They were supposed to give me statements but who am I kidding! I want to shoot over a couple last points before hand and hopefully things will work in our favor...

Onward and upward comrades!

Getcho szhit togetha!

So I may have to switch gears with my therapist because apparently there's a specific section of Asphalt that is for PT. I hope I can continue to work with Leslie but if my insurance will not cover her, I cannot continue to pay out of pocket.

I submitted a proposal to the chapter to help fund a Vitaglide Pro for Beth Abraham. My biggest worry is the obduracy of Beth Abraham! They just suck so much! Even when a good thing comes their way! They'll pretty shit up and but never give real access to anything. They'll boast of themselves in the music program. What music program!?? They have all this equipment but don't know what to do with it! They have a great space for therapy but they don't utilize it! The Tilt table isn't used! The thing that bugs me most is that they have a pipeline from Mt. Sinai to bring all these young cats with SCI and yet they don't have the appropriate program to maintain SCI ADL levels, independence. 

At Mt. Sinai, I showered in a chair and mostly cleaned myself. Now, I resign to shower on the bed, because their chairs here suck and my feet drag. 2 people have to wash me because there always has to be 2 witnesses against me in this place.

There are paras in power chairs, who do not do their own bowel routines! There is no motivation or education here to get them to the appropriate level. This is the place Mt. Sinai--a model SCI System--has chosen! The bottom line: because it's the best of the shit pile. Well, I think there are good points in Beth Abe and as long as I'm here, I'll do whatever I can to improve it. These are the things I think about when I envision Wheels of Progress and how transitions should run. This can be somewhat of a drawing board.

I've been utterly enjoying Darcy James Argue's Secret Society and their new album Infernal Machines. itunes describes it as "steam punk jazz" and that about hits it right on the head. "Take the A train" meets...I dunno, my fist! But on a serious note, most times I find jazz too chaotic for me to enjoy unless it's fused with something else. This is much more musically grounded and still solidly jazz. Here's a couple songs from the album, if you want more, I have all the songs in rapidshare...enjoy!



3. Transit
4. Redeye

The beat train

I'm back on the beat train of training again and it feels good. I met my new trainer, Leslie at Asphalt Green and we began with simple body mechanics, zeroing in what I can do, ways I can reach out my arms by counter balancing and right away I saw results. She made me aware of when my posture was off, when I used my head to compensate, so I could correct myself. It felt good. She is intense, energetic, knowledgeable, but also kind and down to earth. Afterwards, she gave me a couple of nutrigrain bars and made sure I made the accessaride ok.

I got prescriptions from my doctor for the training and FES at Mt. Sinai. I do have muscles firing in the abdomen that I want to stimulate, especially on the left side. I do not want this scoliosis to get worse and permanent. Right now, it's correctable with therapy.

I had an idea to propose to the chapter that beth abe should have quad friendly equipment where they can work out themselves without help setting up. The Vitaglide and the Uppertone provide that. I'm going to explore that a little more and see which one profits the most people. More quads here are motivated to go into manual chairs but they need to go to the next level when it comes to training: shoulders, back, triceps, trunk control. I've been looking at these pieces of equipment and they provide that. Best of all, they provide elements where quads can securely put their hands in. I'm so tired of going to the OT room and seeing paraplegics dominate the weights while quads sit and watch because they need to be strapped into the friggin pulleys and it's not even effective.

Anybody with me say "I'm on that beat train!"

More crazy love

I'm finishing the book Crazy Love and in conjunction with our reading in Acts, I've felt a difference in my daily walk with the Lord. Crazy Love is Chan's personal realization of something--a big something--missing in the American Church and his spirit led response to it. He goes back to remind us of the primacy and magnitude of God using the imagery in Isaiah 6 and Revelation 4. That all of us, whether we believe or not, will come before the throne of God. We will stand naked before our Creator, the same who made the Earth and the Heavens, time, gravity, creativity. When I was 3, I remember going to the museum of Natural History. There's a huge life-size blue whale hanging from the ceiling. When I first saw it, I was terrified! My knees felt weak, heck I think I pissed myself! I still have the picture of my mother pointing up in awe, while I'm crying in sheer fright of the magnitude of that beast! I also get overwhelmed when I'm faced with the sea. I'm reminded of how vulnerable I am. We must be reminded of how powerful God is and that we are accountable to him.

Chan smacks his readers with the reality of who God is but also reminds us of God's love for us and because He loves us so much that He gave His son, Jesus to become mortal to die, take our sins that we can have favor in God's sight is something we should always praise Him for. Our lives should be dedicated to Him! For a closer look at what crazy love is about, check out www.juststopandthink.com and www.crazylovebook.com

What about all these Natural disasters?

Since the earthquake in Haiti, especially, people will question the love or even the existence of God. Do not let the enemy deceive you! The presence of natural disasters is not 'God's punishment.' We have been suffering sickness and death ever since we disobeyed God in the Garden and the Earth has also been experiencing degradation, leading to more sickness and death. The increased number of disasters are fulfilled prophecy to the end times to Christ's coming as spoken of in the scriptures:

Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. Matthew 24:6

What freaks me out is the increased number of movies spouting deceit like 2012 and Legion, things that have nothing to do with the Word of God. The Bible is not an archaic book that has no relevancy to us today. In fact, it was written specifically for us in these times! I'm exhorting all who read this and do not know Christ to honestly pray and seek God. I'd rather see more people into eternity than just ho hum and keep this to myself for PC-sake. The Bible is the truth spoken from God. How do you know men didn't just write it? If God is powerful enough to create the universe, He can preserve His word. Moreover, the Bible is historically reliable, consistent, and Jesus has fulfilled hundreds of prophesies. For more detailed proof, go to alwaysbeready.com These are the technical evidences for unbelivers that make Jesus as Messiah beyond a shadow of a doubt: prophecy, miracles, biblical consistency, archeological discoveries. Spiritually, God reveals himself through his holy spirit and that is unexplainable. Or at least hard to explain for me. I think Solomon shared a great testimony in my interview with him and I give God all the glory to whoever it can reach and save:

I'm just really irate at all the apostasy going on, people not teaching sound doctrine, but most importantly, not serving and loving each other the way Jesus commanded us. It is hard and it requires his supernatural power that we can call on the Holy spirit for! More and more, the world is getting worse and even some Christians are being deceived (i.e. Pat Robertson!!) But God has already warned us of this in the Bible which makes His truth just that much more uncanny, it's slapping us in the face:

"And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many." Matthew 24:11

"And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12

I already started Chan's other book, Forgotten God centering on our neglect of the HolySpirit. I hope to get more feedback from believers here and have an honest dialogue on the subject.

In other news, training is going great and I hope to get more quads moving here soon too!

Music Review Coming up!

-NOA