trouble

I've been going through a difficult time as I wait for a surgery date. One of the surgeons has not been definitive so everything is on hold. In the interim, I'm battling another UTI and taking two antibiotics. My body is in pain and all around not happy with me. I'm bedridden most of the time and eating is a chore. Water and peppermint tea are the beverages of choice. To ease the pain, I lay on my side, I read the bible, mainly the Psalms. Recently I downloaded the NIV Dramatized audio bible from zondervan. You can get it from amazon for free with a 30 day trial membership to audible! I know it will com in handy as I'm recovering. There is nothing like reading an encouraging poem, someone who has felt suffering like you, but is comforted because of their trust in your Lord. It is our nature to depend on ourselves when things are going well. But when disaster hits, we immediately ask God to help us. When we have to depend on him for sustenance, that's when we recognize who holds everything in place. Despite everything, I am very very lucky I have the food, shelter and medicine I need. Many people don't and I try to keep that in mind when I feel overwhelmed. I still have my Voice of the Martyrs poster on the wall, detailing countries that persecute people for their Christian faith. You can see a similar map here. I think about those people who are barred from even having the Bible or worship together in peace. Christian converts are physically harassed by the police, tortured, and their churches are burned. Their pastors are killed. These problems were once only periphery to me at best, but since taking up my cross and following Jesus, the unfailing love of our God to reach down to us is what I cling to and suffering is at the forefront.

Conforming the Mind...

Richard did a very poignant and heartfelt sermon last Sunday on just the first two verses of Romans 12, speaking of not conforming to the world, but to renew your mind according to the mind of Christ:

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:2

You can listen to the sermon here titled "Conformers or Transformers."

In light of the fact that God has saved us from our sins, that He is ever merciful, we should thank Him with our lives:

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service." (verse 1)

another verse is: "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

God wants us. Not necessarily our time or our money but for us to to worship him in spirit and in truth. Not rituals. Not Garbs. Not in what we eat. Jesus said, "Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man." (Matt 15:10-11) See also Isaiah 1:13-17

We can give money till our hearts content, go to church till our hearts content, but if we do not repent from the things which we know God doesn't want us doing then it is in vain. All of us struggle with our flesh wether it be pride or lust or envy, anger, strife, etc. The way to deal with it is to combat it through the Word of God. Reading it exposes us for who we really are, tells us what we need and why:

"He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. "For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. John 3:18-21

It is no wonder that people now despise the Bible. That they joke about Jesus. People squirm when I mention it, the thought of being accountable to a divine law that is holy makes people outright defiant. I sure was! I thought since my dad initially wasn't the greatest and he was a Christian, why should I put my faith in God? I gave in to temptations of lust and walked away from God. Instead of being a transformer, I became a conformer.

How does one transform to the image of God? By seeking him. To seek comes from the Greek word eraunao to search or examine:

"Of which salvation the prophets have enquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace [that should come] unto you: Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow." 1 Peter 10:10-11 Daniel the the prophet sought God with prayer, fasting and searching the scriptures. God reveals Himself through His Word as it is inspired by the Holy Spirit. It is there where one finds truth, comfort, guidance, rebuke and spiritual and practical understanding.

As a person who is bed bound often, I lean upon God's promises to get me through most days. It's not always easy! I can get distracted by my pain or by my roommate's television. But consistency helps, a willing heart definitely helps as well as different methods of getting the Word in. I use worship music and pray to that, since there is so much noise here. I recently purchased a CD called "No storm too great!" focusing on Psalm 91. Jeannie Rose prays different portions of this psalm along to soothing beach background that solidify the promises God gives for the listener. I like it because it is soothing and I can block everything else out in the nursing home. It also helps remember scripture and pray it. This can be applied to any verse/story in scripture to reassure yourself of God's blessing in his Covenant through Jesus. The rest of the world would rather we waste time in entertainment, partying, and selfish gain but just as in the days of Noah, God will save the righteous and destroy the wicked (Luke 17:26-27). Where are you today?

Ringing in the New Year at Beth Abe 2011

I'm in the middle of doing a lot but so far it's been good and I give all glory to Jesus. I did some more resarching for grants, this time for Five for Food, an organization affilliated with Far Reaching Ministries but doesn't receive any significant funding from them. Our church supports a missionary out in Uganda, heavily affected by the civil war and the Lord's Resistance Army. One of the women there took it on herself to begin teaching the local children there who were orphans and cared for them. Many of these children have been maimed, paralyzed, blinded or deaf because of war casualties. During a women's fellowship, I spoke with the missionary's mother, Marilyn Fye and told her I could look for organizations that give rehabilitative equipment Internationally. I got a pretty good list researching at Foundation Center and even a call back when I left my contact info. The important stuff is having all the pertinent information the potential donor want from you. I have not been able to complete a grant application because of this so keep that in prayer!

Another thing heavily on my mind is my upcoming Mitroffanoff surgery. It is involved because I need bladder augmentation. Surgery is not fun, especially if it involves having to drinking go-lightly and get a tube down your nose. I sure hope they do that while I'm asleep!

I keep getting UTIs and it is not pleasant. I get a pain that spreads from where I sit up through my abdomen. Then I can't even be in the chair. I have to lay on my side and just rely on God's Word to comfort me. It gets hard to eat, sleep, so this surgery will help immensely. I just need to get through recovery.

This means school is pushed back until the fall. I also had much trouble getting my transcripts from Binghamton (even though I didn't finish that class). But I just have to trust the Lord and everything will be done in His timing.

The big question: Are there any resolutions? I really just want to be closer to the Lord. I so look forward to when He comes for the Church. But I'm also looking forward to making more music, more videos and fulfilling God's calling for me to show people that our life is short and the only thing that matters is the eternity of God and in His likeness, we also have an eternity (Psalm 90:1-4). What we do with our lives determines our eternal fate.

God Bless every one and have an awesome new year!

Round Two!

After a second round of antibiotics, I still didn't feel well. I was in much pain to the point where I needed to lay in bed on my side. I scheduled an appt. with Dr. Bryce and had the catheter removed for a while again. I cried so much today. I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated. I can barely eat and I'm subjected to my roommate's horrible choice of TV programming: Maury Povich, Jerry Springer, all the day time Court shows...drama!

My father has been doing his best to minister to me practically. He got me probiotic pills to recolonize good flora in the intestines and ya ya region to avoid future UTIs. But I really needed to get to the bottom of this problem. The only good thing that came out of all this time in bed was making a youtube video in response to "YHWH in the Quran" a popular claim nowadays from muslims:

after a while, my condition worsened again and I had to go to the ER. That was last wednesday. They gave me pain meds via IV and gave me a cat scan that revealed much stool in the lower part of the colon that was causing pain but also revealed the truth that Jesus is YHWH, not Allah. I thank God that through this tribulation, he was able to bless me with the strength and wisdom to put that together--Hallelujah!

Romans 5:1-11

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.

For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

And not only [so], but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.

Brief Hospital stay

I stayed in the hospital for a few days to recover from severe nerve pain. I needed more medication and more round the clock care then I was getting. With reduced pain, I had gained my appetite back. My father had got Ensure so I can start gaining the weight I had lost. I thank everyone for their prayers and for the Lord's faithfulness!!!. I look at my world map, showing persecuted Christians for their faith from Voice of the Martyrs. Churches are burned, Bibles are burned. Pastors are killed, church members are imprisoned and tortured. Some of them have been in jail for years and imagine what goes through their minds. Has the Lord forsaken me? I felt more pain then I ever felt and I thought that. The Lord has not forsaken us. He says He shall never leave us nor forsake us (1 Kings 8:57) He leaves things for appointed times for our protection or his glory (Genesis 50:20); (Habakkuk 2:2-4).

I urge believers to keep praying for persecuted saints worldwide and contribute to their organization that provides Bibles, food, housing and other needs to families. Pray also for people who persecute that they may turn to Christ. Go to this link to find out how you can get involved. Encourage and edify one another with the word, Jesus is coming soon!

Grateful

Today is day 6 lying in bed with an excruciating bladder infection. For the second time, I had to fight to get a urinalysis because the doctor at Beth Abe doesn't want to give me antibiotics! I understand why, but if I need them why deny me them? why not at least check? He just kept throwing pain meds at me which didn't work. But praise God my provider for putting people in my path to change his mind, expedite a urinalysis. But by day 5, the pain was so horrendous I cried for my mother!

Today I told my father to look into checking me back into mount sinai KCC2 because they would take care of me best between my spinal cord injury, catheter, nerve pain, trach, etc. I could feel my energy draining with him on the phone. I then just cried to God to provide a way, strength, a person, something that will help me through this. Just then, a woman came in. It was Pat, my new nurse case manager. I cried and filled her in. My phone had died so I needed her help plugging it in to talk to my dad again. He had talked to Dr. Bryce at Mount Sinai and he said I didn't need to be admitted but made some pretty good simple advice for my knucklehead doctor which I gave him his number! Take out the catheter for a few hours and take a fresh urine sample.

I was able to take a nice nap after the nurse removed the catheter and by 6pm she put in a new one and I have not felt so bad since. I'm on Levaquin and on oxycontin for pain which is just enough to help me sleep! I have to drink plenty of water and watch what I eat so I don't become impacted! Continue to pray for me as I am going for surgery to remove the catheter business soon!

Response to "Burn the Quran Day"

Much controversy has circled this upcoming event which I hope doesn't happen. For one, it is not in the spirit of Christ. Pastor Terry Jones is working off of nationalism and not scripture. Jesus says to love our enemies and to spread the gospel. If anything, it showed the true feeling of many muslim countries that they wish "death to America."

One, there is nothing in the Quran that denies the truth of the gospel. If Allah has revealed the scriptures and guarded them (Surah 5:9), how could have the Christians corrupted it? Then you make your God to be a liar. The Quran is not our enemy, we can use it to point our muslim friends to the truth of the one true God of Abraham who's name is YHWH, not Allah.

Pray for Israel as Iran has used this as an opportunity to become more virulent toward "their annihilation." Pray for Christians in Muslim countries who will be persecuted even more because of this. Pray for Muslims to experience the love of Jesus in spite of everything and gain salvation. Pray for this country. God hears!

"Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered" Psalm 32:1

A couple of days ago, I ran into someone I met casually in the halls of Beth abraham. He attended the adult day care program and seemed very bored (he looked very young) so I said if he wanted to hang out he could find me on the fourth floor and maybe we could play music or mess around on the computer. Well, I didn't see him again for awhile until Saturday. I was on the way out to Dunkin' Donuts when he came on my floor looking for me. Another resident, who stuck on him like a barnacle, came also to check out my room. Once Dayquan was enjoying my Sony MDR-V6 headphones she got the picture and left. Anyway, I invited Dayquan to D&D and began telling him about my life. He told me about his and it became clear to me that his situation was pretty dire. He did not have a home. He was just crashing on his friend's couch and even that was tentative if his friend's boyfriend came over. Some nights, he was locked out and was forced to roll the streets or go to a shelter, which is not usually safe, especially for a disabled person! I noticed he wasn't sitting on a cushion and he was dysreflexic because he didn't have cathing kits to cath himself. The Lord sent a CNA my way and she provided cathing kits for him and I got him more necessary supplies from the cart in the hall. In just a few hours, I saw how swiftly God was working in Dayquan's life and that he put him in my path for a purpose!

It was close to end of visiting hours so I prayed with him and asked if he wanted to come to church the next day. He waited for me at 8 in the morning! We finally left at 9:45 to take the 39 to Morris Park ave...

The day was beautiful and Calvary welcomed Dayquan warmly. We came in time for worship and I was squarely in God's presence. I couldn't help but lift my hand and praise him for all he did for Dayquan, and that was just the beginning! Pastor Rich has been teaching from the book of Romans which is doctrinally powerful. In Chapter 4, we learned that Abraham (the father of the three major faiths), was justified not by works or good deeds but by faith:

[Cometh] this blessedness then upon the circumcision [only], or upon the uncircumcision also? for we say that faith was reckoned to Abraham for righteousness. Rom 4:9

How was it then reckoned? when he was in circumcision, or in uncircumcision? Not in circumcision, but in uncircumcision. Rom 4:10

And he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the righteousness of the faith which [he had yet] being uncircumcised: that he might be the father of all them that believe, though they be not circumcised; that righteousness might be imputed unto them also: Rom 4:11

And the father of circumcision to them who are not of the circumcision only, but who also walk in the steps of that faith of our father Abraham, which [he had] being [yet] uncircumcised. Rom 4:12

For the promise, that he should be the heir of the world, [was] not to Abraham, or to his seed, through the law, but through the righteousness of faith. Rom 4:13

Abraham was justified by following God's word, not because he was religious. He was not even circumcised until he was 99! He was a Pagan called out of the land of Chaldeans and was given the promise as a Gentile. The circumcision was just an external sign of the covenant. The law was given to What matters is the heart and I was glad Dayquan was there to hear Romans Chapter 4 as his first sermon. It cuts to the heart of the matter: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ spoken of since the old testament brings salvation, not works of the law.

Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, [there is] no transgression. Romans 4:15

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? Romans 6:1

God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Romans 6:2

Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Romans 6:3

Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. Romans 6:4

I skipped ahead there but true Christians will live according to the way Jesus taught his disciples. We shed our old ways of the world, grow in grace, and bear the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). When we do sin we should confess them to Jesus, our advocate! (1 John 1:9)

The best part of the day is that Dayquan accepted Jesus as his savior! I prayed with him and the pastor a simple prayer that he recognized that he was a sinner, that he needed Jesus' redemption, he believed he died on the cross for his sins and was raised the third day. He then accepted him as Lord of his life. Now what's personal is the intention of the heart. Only him and Jesus knows that. He then needs to develop a relationship with the Lord. That's ultimately what God wants with us, to trust him to lead us because he loves us.

Now I knew The Lord was still moving on getting Dayquan out of his situation so we prayed about that as well. I told him to come to Beth Abraham early the next day to speak to an admissions counselor about possibly getting a bed here. As much as I have issues with this place, it is the best to have his own bed and have his medical needs met. I called him at 11am the next day and he was still sleeping! I guess he was exhausted but my father and I wanted to address the urgency of the situation. I ended up speaking to an admissions counselor and told Dayquan all he needed was a referral from his social worker at the Day program! Even with this good news, he still needed a nudge to get out and jump at the opportunity immediately. I began to feel frustrated at his lack of motivation so my father then called him to come over so that he and Dayquan could meet with his social worker. By the time my father returned, it was a done deal. Dayquan was being admitted that day into the second floor! I was so overjoyed and immediately went out to get Dayquan toiletries. Just having your basic needs met does a lot. Jesus gives us this example in John 13:14 and Matt 25:31-40. The Pharisees were so caught up in the law, that all they saw was when Jesus healed 'on the sabbath' or if his disciples ate with Gentiles. I digress...

He has been resting a lot (as been I!) he's needed it after sleeping on a couch and not sitting on a cushion.

I went to have my new back adjusted to my chair the other day--what a difference! I can actually put my hands in my lap effortlessly. I did chew them out a bit and serve them a letter stating how they royally screwed up in not fixing my chair for months. Lois, the Home Medical technician was quick to get defensive, apologize and roll right over it, but they really screwed up. I haven't been able to use my chair for months and your wheelchair is important. I like the work that they do in terms of adjustments, but I've spoken to others that have been less than satisfied with how repairs are handled.

I like the convenience of the powerchair, but I'm antsy to get settled back into my baby again, pushing again.

Pray for the Lord to do a continual work in Dayquan, and that he fills me with His spirit to continue to minister to him and others on the floor.