Thursday, April 30, 2009


Yesterday was the first day I went out by myself on access-a-ride. The wrench in the whole trip was that my e-motion wheels didn't charge the day previous. I remember telling my CNA to make sure the charger was properly connected and that the light indicator was on. As I fumed in frustration at my bleeping wheels, imagining myself strangling her, I understood exactly why she didn't understand or carry out my instructions. She has a tendency to take the first two words I say and run with it without fully understanding. She is old school Jamaican and has a lot of cultural pride. She tends to brush me off when I'm being serious about something and it is the bane of my existence here! Jamaicans comprise the majority of the workers in healthcare now and for me, it poses real cultural barriers that really try my patience.

I'm not a very patient person. It's been something I've been struggling with especially now that I am physically dependent on people and have a lack of audible voice. If I explain something to somebody and they continuously don't get it, I have no quams unleashing my frustrations with them. If somebody rubs me wrong, I have no problem telling them where to put it. Although there's a satisfaction in being raw with people, the problem now is that people either a)can't understand what I say or, b)pretend not to understand (I suspect usually the latter). It also doesn't intice the person to want to help me later if I need something. So I've had to develop a lot of patience with caregivers (regardless how obtuse).

I've also had to develop patience with myself during recovery and realize that things don't happen on my time. Things don't happen necessarily because we want them to but to make us better people for God's glory. Maybe there is someone we are set to give hope and direction to but without God sharpening us with a little hardship, we wouldn't have the patience to minister to them. God has a tremendous amount of patience and mercy with us and he has exemplified this through his son, Jesus Christ. When we yield to God's spirit we realize that it's not about us but about an opportunity to fulfill his will for unity and ultimate fellowship. Instead of me getting my ego off, I should give thanks for God's love and mercy and show others God's love and mercy.

Romans 15:1-6
We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.

For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me." [fn]

For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.

Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus,

that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.