Friday, September 4, 2009

Psalm 25

A lot has been going while I've been recovering from the surgery at Mass General. One, it's obvious that I'm up against much spiritual warfare and I have to use serious discernment. Serious. Two, I have a lot more to plan for the future so more of my energy has been moving in that direction. Where do I want to be? Certainly not in this part of the Bronx! I need to be close to my doctor, my parents, amenities, but I don't want to be too crammed in. I have no idea how to choose property, etc, so I need a little help from my friends... It's hard to think about owning a house a year or so from now when I've never been able to own anything. It's inevitable but I still can't wrap my mind around it. My parents aren't poor anymore but they live in the same neighborhoods, paying off debts with the hopes of accruing enough for a down payment somewhere better.

Having a taste of the ER reminded me of why I don't like the idea of living smack in the city. A part of me says "plan an escape route, keep north!" But I have to remember what brought me here and no circumstance is greater than the God I serve. I can't help but to be reminded of scripture, that we are increasingly in the last days. People say, "well, there's always been sickness and war.." No, there has not. And I'm sure my young generation alone has seen enough wars, increase in STDs, diseases, mass murder, and natural disasters to say somethin's up.

To pass my time here and keep my mind biblically grounded, I've been searching out Christian Hip Hop or "Holy Hip Hop." I found a site called Rapzilla that reviews albums and even lets you download some songs. Finding stuff I liked was difficult (much like secular hip hop) so I consulted with someone from the church. His highest recommendations was labels Reach Records, lampmode, and cross movement. I'll post a mix soon, but top artists on the list are Hazakim, Lacrae, Shai linne, Stephen the Levite, and Kaboose. This is new territory for me so there's still lots for me to explore! This is not to say that I still don't enjoy a lot my old music. I will always love the Smiths (sigh). But I recognize that the closer I grow to Christ, the farther I grow from the world and it's a good thing. I'm not captive to a lot of the world since the accident and that has been a blessing. I'm not captive to cigarettes or alcohol, or loneliness, or wondering what my purpose is. I now know what real love is. I see the decaying of humanity and the earth and truth of God's word unfolding. Sometimes it's baby steps across a stream and sometimes I feel like I'm jumping in the ocean. I really like my "Deez nutz" shirt. Watching "Robot Chicken" was my guilty pleasure. But I haven't turned on the television in 2 weeks. All I think about is seeking God's word and knowing who He wants me to serve next. That's better than fulfilling my own desires. Not to say that I won't be tempted but it's part of the walk. The biggest challenge right now is giving people a piece of my mind "Nicky style" if anyone has heard that and now that I have my voice back it's more tempting. If there's one thing I can't handle is people trying to pull one over on me. So please pray for me on that front! Self-control, wisdom, discernment, guidance, deliverance.