Tuesday, October 20, 2009

New sensations

The nerve pain I've been feeling in my butt and legs seem to be indication of other things going on in my body lately. It started out with a raging UTI. The nerve pain in my lower extremities was so intense! Like fire and ice! I knew something was up, so I had the doc check my urine just 'cause 9 times out of 10...

More recently, around routine time my butt really began to burn so I asked the nurse to check me. I had pooped a hard, fist sized turd! Now that would obviously cause some pain! After that, I notice that every time I get stimulated and begin to move my bowels, my nerve pain goes away. It's like a warm wave of goodness and I feel so relaxed. It's the relief of me moving my bowels! I can also feel when someone rigorously stimulates me during routine. I can't feel their actual finger, but I feel something. It's hard to explain. It's a new sensation I'm feeling and I have no idea what it means in terms of return of feeling. I still can't feel on the surface nor have I gained function in my hands, legs, or torso so it doesn't mean much but it is strange and worth noting.

I started therapy again downstairs since I've been so weak. I've lost a lot of weight so my father has been feeding me any way he can! I'm working hard and tired most days. Outside is less appealing. I miss my Ithaca fall time: walking through leaves, the warmth of staying in and only occasionally hitting the porch. That was a different life ago and although I miss it's simplicity, I was very lonely for my family then. Ah well. Here's to another hibernation. Drink some scotch for me!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Autumn changes...

I got a hair cut finally!! I need to take a picture and post it. I used Hopey's pic you see on the blog page. Hot bitch! Plus, it's easier to have it short, I like it short. I even waxed my eye brows--gasp! the women convinced me. Wasn't bad at all. It looks good! I'm not comfortable in hair salons around here. Everyone speaks spanish and you don't know what's going on. I understand some but they get on that rapid fire tip... I just wanted to make sure she knew what I wanted and was going to follow through. It worked out well.

I'm also out of bed more which is good. I put my foot down and demanded to get treated for the UTI. The nerve pain has subsided somewhat and I can sit up in bed.

I discovered that my asthmatic symptoms are actually indication of more stenosis. When I push the tube slightly down, my breathing clears AND my voice gets louder!!! My initial instinct was correct and once again, I'm having visions of ringing Dr. Weiser's neck. I called to schedule a broncoscopy and his assistant scheduled an office visit so we can "discuss options." I don't want to lolly gag at another office visit, have my insurance pay a couple hundred dollars for him to do nothing. So I'm making an appt. with maass gen again for a bronc. if Dr. Weasel can't get his shite together.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

I feel like I'm in the ark, begging God to say "you can come out now!" After Richie's message on Genesis 8, the humanity of the situation gave me clarity. It was crazy to believe there would be a flood coming, to build a big ass ark. Then to stay in that ark with all those animals! I'm sure it stank, I'm sure there were arguments. But it took much patience before they could safely leave the ark.

Right now I feel like I'm in a cramped, stinking ark wanting to jump onto land before it's really dry but God hasn't called me yet. God is slowly making moves though. I just have to keep praying and keep focused. This is so hard. My breathing has improved but I'm weak in the chair. My posture is terrible, my nerve pain has gotten worse. My bahind is on fire! I'm sick of being fed pills day in and day out! Waking up in this condition is the worst. The burning sensation starts up right away and I'm reminded of my condition. I'm trying to think of how my life will be once I can leave here, away from any institution.

And this is the light version! Those who know me, know how I would usually dish it. Especially when it comes to people! It takes every ounce of will power... you wouldn't believe the stupidity, the greed, the audacity. But then, there are the gems. People working here who are absolutely selfless, dependable, true servants of the trade.

This weekend I spent most my time in bed because of nerve pain. I'm almost sure it's because of a UTI at this point. I had the doctors check my urine and blood just in case. I tried going out sunday for a hair cut but had to turn around. The only way to relieve it is to lay on my side. I even take percocet which only relaxes the pain enough for me to rest. So I haven't been up to too much. But I did get a lot done at the doctor's office, getting my flu shot, filling out medical forms, getting much needed referrals. Tomorrow, I go to an allergist and I may have to see the urologist again but all this is necessary to maintain my health, whatever is left of it!

I got caught up with my case and things are coming along. Nothing surprises me, people's testimonies speak exactly how I pinned it all along. Their accusations hold no weight and regardless of their positions they with suffer greatly for what happened to me. Period.