More steps of faith

So far, exercising has been good. I invested in a protein shake recommended from the care cure site but haven't noticed any changes as of yet. it has only been 2 weeks. Make sure to check out the latest podcast episode located on the right. Interesting music mix. For those who don't understand why I speak in this strange robotic voice, I have tracheal stenosis and so air cannot pass through the vocal cords. I use a device that vibrates the cords for me, thus producing sound. I will be going to Mass general in Boston on Aug 5 for a different kind of tracheostomy tube and then will go back for a resection surgery. I am very scared but I must move forward and trust that God works all things for good no matter how much we dislike it.

Despite the hardships I have been blessed in many ways. I've been able to see my own short sightedness on some issues, my own selfishness. Through my own suffering I am able to truly have compassion. Most of all, I can honestly say I know who my God is and that is Jesus Christ who is a true historical person who fulfilled prophesies, performed miracles and made claim to his divinity in typical Jewish fashion. Too often, people are putting doubt on the divinity of Christ because of comparisons of mythological gods which have no real bearings and have no real evidence to back up assertions for their claims. Everyone at some point needs to face the fact that there is a God. If so, why aren't we seeking him? Then there's the question of why Jesus? Don't all religions basically teach the same thing? No they don't! They are very different particularly in the nature of God and what our goals as human beings are. No other religion has the the historical, archeological, extra biblical and theological evidence to support it. It was one thing to feel it in my being, but how was I to answer questions about my faith? How was I to look to God for answers, to trust his word? All of a sudden, all the ugly past Christian mishaps came back and although what I experienced on that roof was real, how did it fit with the Book called the Bible? I mentioned in a post some time ago that I began reading about David, abraham and Moses again and although they were the "heroes" of the Bible, that they too, made mistakes, had doubts, were afraid, were angry with God, didn't always do what he asked. But through it all, God was faithful. He kept his word. Another thing I noticed was that throughout the Bible, God has shown to operate through his word. From the very beginning, he created with a word, complex worlds with complex organisms and biosystems. He he healed just by saying you are healed, spoke easily of what was really in people's hearts and no malice passed from his lips. To have this consistently in books by many authors over a period of 1500 years is a staggering amount of proof that God's word accomplishes what he sets it out to do, regardless of how much we mess up or try to cast doubt on it.

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't come to this conclusion easily. After all, we want to do what we want to do, right? I have a friend who's a priest and everyone's "cool" that he's a priest as long as he's not trying to tell them that Jesus is their Lord and Savior. But if you had important information about life after death, wouldn't you want to let your close friends in on it?

This is the reality of the situation: The time we are in now is the time predicted in scripture that God will reveal himself soon and will judge the nations. We are all sinners. But Christ who is sinless died for us so that we can be righteous before God when judgement comes. Take the time to read the Gospel. Here is a great DVD called All roads do not lead to God by Christian Apologist, Charlie Campell:

http://rapidshare.com/files/252821473/All_roads.zip.001

http://rapidshare.com/files/252839518/All_roads.zip.002

http://rapidshare.com/files/252855486/All_roads.zip.003

http://rapidshare.com/files/252983590/All_roads.zip.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/253127211/All_roads.zip.005

http://rapidshare.com/files/253258410/All_roads.zip.006

http://rapidshare.com/files/253266821/All_roads.zip.007

http://rapidshare.com/files/253434844/All_roads.zip.008

http://rapidshare.com/files/258063463/All_roads.zip.009

If you're not into rapidshare, I suggest just going to the website, www.alwaysbeready.com and browsing their store or helpful articles. If you find the video helpful, I would urge you to pass it along. Here are other resources:

www.bethinking.org

www.rzim.org

www.carm.org

Time to exercise!

I've been busy with the podcast and other projects and haven't been able to blog. I've also realized that the podcast acts more as a information/support outlet for those newly injured and so I will try keep it as such although the music is fun!  I've been doing some interviews with people I know within the first few years of injury about their adjustment and transition into life and so far, it's been going well. Next week, I'll focus on curative therapies in the near future, how to stay informed and get involved. 

Today, I went to try handcycling with the Achilles track club in Central Park. They are a group of athletes that offer a supportive atmosphere for people of all abilities to exercise and race. They also bring a few handcycles for people to use so it is a great opportunity to delve into adaptive sports. They didn't have hand adaptations for me but they helped me on and I got the feel of it. It was very cool! It was faster than rolling in the chair and lower to the ground so I was a bit nervous but I had my buddy George by my side for support. Monday I'm going to call and ask if they have quad grips/modified chair. I'd really like to continue but I may have to put it on hold after my T-tube surgery.  It is more practical to get a table ergometer as I need the exercise indoors and out! 

Funky Soul mix

Here's a funk/soul mix I put together for your enjoyment. I've been diggin latin soul/boogaloo and funk from the late 60's/70's and excited to share it! I don't have my records, but bet yo ass I'll be recording and posting those as soon as I break out of this joint! If you want just the tracks to burn on CD, email me or leave a comment and I'll upload it via rapidshare for downloading. Enjoy! 1. It'ss a New day by the skull snaps 2. Liberation conversation by Marlena Shaw 3. Funky song by Ripple 4. Funky miracle by the meters 5. Hercules by Aaron Neville 6. Compared to what by Robberta Flack 7. Fever by Marie Queenie Lyons 8. Big T by Tito Ramos 9. New York Soul by Ray Barretto 10. I'll be a happy man by The Latin Blues band feat. Luis aviles Make sure to listen with some good speakers, some of these basslines are sick!

Here's the rapidshare link for download:

www.rapidshare.com/users/S5VBSJ

Password: withthesehands

New Podcast!

So I've been itching to do a podcast since my rehab days at Mount Sinai. Now that I'm proficient with my quad hands and audacity, I finally got it together. It's a work in progress so bear with me as my editing skills develop. It's also not easy with the nuvois device as it makes that robotic buzzing noise. Still, at least I can speak audibly and am psyched to get this thing going. In about a month, I'll go to Boston for another surgery toward getting the trach out but until then, I want to have some fun and enjoy the good weather.

The target audience is for the newly injured, those in rehab, transitioning out and their loved ones. It's to address issues with navigating the health care system, and to mobilize this group for a cure. It's also to inform the general public through reaching loved ones of spinal cord injury. There are many of my loved ones who are still in the dark about what my injury is and what it means. It's not something to feel sorry for but to be enlightened by, to examine oneself.

Finally, it's also to just have fun! (agosar!) To hear real people who despite all of what this injury entails find friendship and can have a flippin' good time! So there will be some music and smack talk in the mix as well.

Cirque du soleil

Yes, I had the privilege of seeing cirque du soleil thanks to the Urban outings program funded by the NYC chapter of NSCIA. Luckily, it was a gorgeous day since we had to wait outside the tents for a while. Now I've been to the circus once as a young child but did not know what to expect as an adult. For those who are thinking about seeing this show, it will certainly spark your inner child and you will be wowed all over again!

We had special seating in the front, the staff was very accomodating. One usher brought my popcorn and hotdog and when I moved to find the restroom, someone immediately came to lead me out. There was a wheelchair accessible restroom right outside the tent and someone waited for me to lead me back in. Doing trach care at the sink was difficult but it didn't matter since everything went so smoothly.

The whole production was on point. The one thing I noticed was that I kept trying to see how they organized the show and I just couldn't keep up with them! They had a huge scaffold up at the top of the tent above the stage and more and more contraptions kept coming from it for the next act. The format was classic circus: started out with clowns interacting with the crowd before lights went out. Then, an innocent central character seems to stumble upon a twisted jack-in-the-box, unleashing a phantasmic yet terrifying world. Where a dozen wonderfully costumed dancers entered the stage was also a carousel of sorts with other characters: a live band and vocalists! The sound production was was so impressive and there were acts where it seemed to become an all out rock concert. I don't want to say anymore except that if you have an opportunity to see KOOZA, it's well worth traveling to see and still great for kids!


Show continues in NY until June 7th! Here's a link to their site.

Patience

Yesterday was the first day I went out by myself on access-a-ride. The wrench in the whole trip was that my e-motion wheels didn't charge the day previous. I remember telling my CNA to make sure the charger was properly connected and that the light indicator was on. As I fumed in frustration at my bleeping wheels, imagining myself strangling her, I understood exactly why she didn't understand or carry out my instructions. She has a tendency to take the first two words I say and run with it without fully understanding. She is old school Jamaican and has a lot of cultural pride. She tends to brush me off when I'm being serious about something and it is the bane of my existence here! Jamaicans comprise the majority of the workers in healthcare now and for me, it poses real cultural barriers that really try my patience.

I'm not a very patient person. It's been something I've been struggling with especially now that I am physically dependent on people and have a lack of audible voice. If I explain something to somebody and they continuously don't get it, I have no quams unleashing my frustrations with them. If somebody rubs me wrong, I have no problem telling them where to put it. Although there's a satisfaction in being raw with people, the problem now is that people either a)can't understand what I say or, b)pretend not to understand (I suspect usually the latter). It also doesn't intice the person to want to help me later if I need something. So I've had to develop a lot of patience with caregivers (regardless how obtuse).

I've also had to develop patience with myself during recovery and realize that things don't happen on my time. Things don't happen necessarily because we want them to but to make us better people for God's glory. Maybe there is someone we are set to give hope and direction to but without God sharpening us with a little hardship, we wouldn't have the patience to minister to them. God has a tremendous amount of patience and mercy with us and he has exemplified this through his son, Jesus Christ. When we yield to God's spirit we realize that it's not about us but about an opportunity to fulfill his will for unity and ultimate fellowship. Instead of me getting my ego off, I should give thanks for God's love and mercy and show others God's love and mercy.

Romans 15:1-6
We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.

For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me." [fn]

For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.

Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus,

that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Boston news

Last tuesday, I went Mass General for a bronchoscopy to see what Dr. Mathisen could do about my tracheal stenosis. The plan is to regain more useable trachea before doing a resection. Next month, I'll get aT-tube in which is shorter than the trach I have now. Then a few months later, they'll do the resection, which is, cutting out the scar tissue from my trachea and sewing the good ends together. I'll then spend a week with my chin sewn to my chest while my trach heals! Pretty fuckin wild, they're gonna have to give me reeeaally good drugs to behave! It's funny, every time I go under, I try to remember going to sleep. Instead, I'm just waking up to them wheeling me into the PACU. This time, my mouth was swollen and sore from the scope they put down my throat. I can imagine them stretching my mouth to inhuman proportions, cracking jokes along the way. I don't care. I'm exactly where I need to be to get this thing out. Mass General is a huge hospital but very well organized. Unlike Mount Sinai, I didn't wait long for an X-ray and they never sent me anywhere without a nurse! My nurses were incredible and the trach care was on point. My dad was cool to arrage TV services for me. I watched "American Idol" for the fiirst time in ages. Did anyone dig that gothic/mideastern "Ring of fire" cover? That shit was wild!

I forgot to mention my birthday last month. I actually celebrated mine on fat tues. I went out for the first time to socialize at a bar/club with friends. It was also a fundraiser for the Nat. Spinal Cord Injury Assoc. So lots of chairs! I felt comfortable and got decked out. I actually wore make up! Bright red lipstick and stiletto mascara. I wore a white glittery mask and had a girly punk look, sporting red chucks and a leather bracelet. I had a red tank top giving nice cleavage and a sheer blouse over it with silver buttons that complimented my silver star earrings. I strapped on a decent buzz and had a good time. A few of my college friends were there so it was cool. We're all older and chiller now so no one was lining up shots. I should have taken pictures but I was having such a good time, I forgot. The only awkward thing was not being able to speak to people in a loud atmosphere. It felt good to dress up and feel like my old self again (somewhat). Happy 29th.